You Better Not Pout: Santa's Surveillance Apps

Christmas is coming, so why not leverage it to exert influence on the young ones in your life?  Promote politeness with a variety of Santa-approved "surveillance" apps...

Naughty or nice, you can use his power to keep Christmas craziness in check.
(Image courtesy pennlive.com.)

Mature Content: New "Companionship" App For The Elderly

Our current senior citizens were raised in an era with typewriters and telegrams, and now, they can add another newfangled technology to their (long) lives:  a hookup app.

Go out with a bang.
(Image courtesy get-susan.com.)

If You Suspects Something, Text Something: New Anti-Terror App For New Yorkers

Are you remaining vigilant in these trying times, citizen?  Well just in case you were thinking of keeping to yourself and minding your own damn business, the government doesn't want you to, and there's a new app to abet that.

Your activism needs no more than the swipe of a finger.
That should probably be worrisome, right?
(Image courtesy ny.gov.)

A Win For Things Lost: New TrackR Device Hunts Down Your Stuff

Quick, where are your keys?  Phone?  Wallet?  Remote control?  Dog?  If you don't know the answer immediately, technology may now be able to help you fill in the blanks...

Did you misplace something important today?
Can't quite think of where it is?
Now, you don't have to.
(Image courtesy curiousportraits.wordpress.com.)

Like Uber For Slobber: New Matchmaking App Sets Up Dogs And Humans

They say that dogs are man's best friend.  So with all of the social media platforms used to make friends, why shouldn't there be one that includes canine companions?

This could be you.  Or your dog.
(Image courtesy mymodernmet.com.)

A Wonder For Down Under: New Kegel Exerciser / Videogame App (Seriously)

Ladies, we know that "playing with yourself" is not the most delicate way to describe an aspect of maintaining healthy sexual function, but in this case, it's the literal truth...

We also know it's uncouth to steal other publications' headline imagery,
but the Britons really nailed this one.
(Image courtesy www.mirror.co.uk.)

Cultivate This: New Indoor Garden "The Grove" Gives You A Mini Ecosystem

Want a garden, but you're stuck in a postmodern (or pre-modern) cube/tomb of an apartment with no sunlight and certainly no arable land?  Worry not, for a new invention called The Grove can bring you a relative abundance of plant life, all in the comfort of your own home...

If you traded all your bookshelves for e-reading, here's your perfect futuristic home furnishing.
(Image courtesy treehugger.com.)

Freedom For Threesomes: New App Finds Hookups à Trois

Everyone's heard of (or been involved in) an online romance that, despite the impersonal initial interface, works out for the best. Now, you can use an app to add to such notions of romance...plus a little extra...

Get extra cozy this winter.
(Image courtesy genius.com.)

iTinerant iSores: New App Helps New Yorkers Dodge "Homeless Hotspots"

It's no secret that our technology has surpassed our humanity.  Now, a new aspect of technology will help you literally pass right on by the elements of humanity that you'd rather not see...

Not exactly the best kind of Victoria's Secret model.
(Image courtesy nypost.com.)

Surrealism From A Search Engine: Google's "Deep Dream" System Now An App

If you like perusing weird things on the internet, you may have recently seen that Google's artificial neural networks have been allowed to run rampant and "dream" up combinations of images.  These creepy/cool composites are now available for anyone, if you can handle the ride...

Androids may dream of electric sheep, but Google dreams of art gone awry...
(Image courtesy collegehumor.com.)

Hear The World: Listen To Top Tracks From Different Countries With "Music Globe 3D" App

Are you a music fan that likes branching out beyond not just genres, but national interests?  Now, with the help of a new app, you can travel the world via your ears...

You can still feel like a rockstar on tour, even if you're neither of those things.
(Image courtesy blog.discmakers.com.) 

Fetching Fido: Canine Facial Recognition App Helps Find Lost Dogs

Not all facial recognition systems are for spying on you, or for ratting you out when you don't go to church.  Sometimes, just sometimes, the system can be of use.  Particularly, when it doesn't focus on people...

"Don't worry, ma'am.  We'll find him.  If not by sniff, then the internet."
(Image courtesy comicvine.com.)

Rad Habits: New App To Aid Small-Scale Scheduling For Self-Improvement

Do you need to be reminded/guilt-tripped into maintaining healthy habits, but don't want to have to ask your friends and loved ones to publicly shame you?  No worries...a new app can keep you on task, and to the rest of the world you'll actually appear to have motivation.

The sticky notes aren't enough to save your slackadaisical self, and you know it.
(Image courtesy blog.contagiouscompanies.com.)

Reznor Helms New Beats 1 Radio Launch; Brings Listeners Closer To God

And you can have it all.  His empire of...well, a lot more than dirt.  Nine Inch Nails frontman Trent Reznor wants to help music fans find new artists to aurally appreciate, as well as enjoy classics, with the new Beats 1 radio program by Apple...

Despite previous claims, his intent is neither to let you down, nor to make you hurt.
(Image courtesy knowyourmobile.com.)

Know Your Joe: New App For Coffee Connoisseurs

In today's busy, bustling world, few things fuel you faster than a nice cup (or carafe) of coffee.  Iced, spiced, black, blonde, it doesn't matter as long as it does the job.  Now, there's a new app to help you learn more about the world's greatest caffeinated creation...

This may be true, but you can still do a damned decent home-brew...
(Image courtesy funnysigns.net.)

Want A Better Future? This Break-Up App Might Help...

When Paul Simon wrote his classic song, "50 Ways To Leave Your Lover" back in 1975, smartphones had yet to be invented.  However, had he written it recently, he could have included a line to the effect of, "Just tap on the app, Chap..." as one of the means of easily escaping a failed romance...

Granted, breakups have been brutal throughout all of recorded history...
(Image courtesy pinterest.com.)

Screen Cuisine: New App To Count Calories Via Food Photos

If you're like most of the cyber-connected world, chances are that you've photographed and shared an image of some interesting food at one point or another.  Don't worry, it's normal, especially when you encounter a turducken in the wild.  Now, a new app may be able to not only show off your culinary crusades, but also inform you of just how many calories that triple-decker bacon cake contains...

"According to Im2Calories, you should probably only eat the letter 'A' today."  -your phone, soon.
(Image courtesy negharfonooni.com.)

Way To Go: New Apple Maps Launch To Include Public Transit, Indoor Maps & More Flyovers

It's a feature that has benefited humanity tremendously since its inception, and now, it's even more comprehensive.  Apple Maps is upgrading their app to include subways, trains, new flyover views, and even robotically-determined floorplans inside of buildings.

Plot your commute or view your dream vacation, all in the palm of your hand.
(Image courtesy technewstoday.com.)

Spy vs. mSpy: Tracking-App Company Reveals Blackmail Attempt

With so many adults willing to give up their privacy in the name of security, it's no surprise that they'd levy that same treatment (with the same unwarranted sneakiness) onto their own children.  Amusingly enough, one firm that provides such products has now been hit by blackmailers.

Stalk your kids while sipping your coffee!  Except sometimes, it's not so simple...
(Image courtesy whiterosereader.org.)

Who The {Redacted} Thinks This Is A Good Idea? New App Censors "Inappropriate" Literature

It may have fallen somewhat by the wayside as the smut-and-gore smorgasbord of the internet has risen to prominence for entertainment, but those who read enough literature know the truth:  books get fucking dirty.  We're not talking the suburban-submission swill of the "Fifty Shades..." fuddy-duddies, oh no.  There is stuff out there - published from antiquity to this afternoon - that is straight-up scorch-smut, enough to make you drop your jaws, books, and pants all at the same time.

So of course, some special snowflake wants to take that away from you.

(Image courtesy www.downtrend.com.)