"Clear" For Takeoff: New App Removes All Of Your Objectionable Social Media Posts

If you have some kind of a social media account, chances are you've at some point made a statement or posted an image there that you're not particularly proud of.  Maybe you've let it get buried in a tidal wave of tech and time, but if it still exists, it can still be found...and possibly used against you.  Take this power away from your enemies with a new app...

(Image courtesy failbook.com.)

Sure, perhaps your friends and followers understood that the jokes you were making about Bush / Obama / America / fat people / etc. were all just in jest, and that you didn't really intend to call for any of their violent demises, but this is the sort of thing that prospective employers will show you the door for.  Don't have your words (or drunken party pictures) twisted against you.

And just like that, you were scrubbed from the space program.
(Image courtesy lamebook.com.)

According to gadgets.nctv.com, the "Clear" app was developed by Jeb Bush's former Chief Technology Officer, Ethan Czahor.  Czahor had been a member of an improv comedy troupe before landing the much-coveted gig working for Bush, but when his Twitter feed of unsavory experimental material was unearthed and painted him in a bad light, his dream job ended in a rude awakening.

Cazhor explains on Clear's website, "I created Clear to make sure situations like mine never happen to anyone ever again.”

Clear can't fix the rest of your terrible life, but it sure can improve your reporting of it.
(Image courtesy lamebook.com.)

The app, which parses through Facebook, Twitter and Instagram using proprietary algorithms as well as algorithms from Watson (the famous Jeopardy-winning IBM computer), finds all possibly-objectionable material and presents it to you.  Certain terms that prove harsh on the app's "sensitivity report" (such as derogatory use of the word "gay") will produce prominent results, but other cautionary ones ("America") will also be triggers for possible deletion.  You then choose which bits of brilliance to retain, and banish the rest.

Unfortunately, your terrible posts on the pages of others will live on in infamy.
(Image courtesy reddit.com/r/cringepics.)

Clear is currently in beta testing for iOS.  Jobs are hard enough to come by without your terrible attempts at humor intervening.  Do your personal history a favor, and rewrite it like a winner.

Well, do the best you can.
(Image courtesy failbook.com.)