Swoop Out With The Poop Out: New App Hires People To Remove Your Dog's Mess

There's shitty jobs, and then there's LITERALLY shitty jobs.  In an age where manufacturing jobs are waning but posting pictures of your food on the internet can be a full-time business, the strange powers of commerce and instant gratification have combined into one nasty but necessary gig...

They'd use the app themselves, but they're too busy
sending selfies to all the bitches.
(Image courtesy 123rf.com.)

According to The Washington Post, a new app is available for those whose whose modern lives are too busy - or too fancy - to complete the unpleasant task of picking up after one's dog.  Oh sure, there's dog walking apps and dog-human matchup apps already, but this one is for people who still care enough to bond with their critter...just not enough to touch its litter.

If only all critters pooped cupcakes like the almighty pug.
Wait, what?
(Image courtesy pinterest.com.)

The app pulls no punches.  It's called Pooper.  It summons a willing servant to come and pick up after your pup.  Pooper functions like Uber, in that after your dog has done his business, you summon your business-partner via Pooper's GPS.  After snapping a poop-pic and pinning the poop location on a map, you are now free to continue your awesome, awesome life that in no way includes the handling of animal feces.

This will probably lead to a lot of artsy pooping pics,
which is weird.
IT'S WEIRD.  HIPSTERS, DON'T MAKE IT A THING.
(Image courtesy barkpost.com.)

The creators of the app assure the public that this is definitely not a joke, and is totally a real service that people inexplicably will flock to.  Co-founder Ben Becker believes they can ameliorate the serious street-shit problems many cities encounter, in a polite and precise manner.  “It’s not our intention to ostracize,” he said. “It is our intention to solve a problem in a unique way.”

"Who are you calling a problem?
This bucket is for you after six happy-hour margaritas."
(Image courtesy petmd.com.)

Pooper is currently being tested in New York, San Francisco, and L.A., with hopes of fully launching the service this fall.  Scoopers will receive tiered payments based on frequency of collection and distance traveled, and can expect to make more than minimum wage (though that's probably not a comfort to a professional poop-patroller.)  Various payment plans will allow users to obtain different quantities of scoops throughout different radii of travel.

Poop patrol, present!
(Image courtesy upgruv.com.)

The modern world's a fast place, and some times you need your precious pet to shit and split.  Why not help be a job creator thanks to your doggie defecator?  The pedestrians of many areas might thank you...

Hey, if they could do it themselves, people would be out of a job.
You don't want EVERY Millennial to be sans skills, right?
(Image courtesy mattrittercomedy.com.)