FALL IN LOVE, CITIZEN! New State-Run Iranian Dating Service Demands Romance

With birth rates declining and singles growing ever older, the nation of Iran felt it needed a boost in the developing-world department.  And what better way to grow as a people than to coerce them into procreation via a state-run dating network?

Likes: longs walks in the desert, not talking too much, and being submissive to religious law...
(Image courtesy astrologer.nyc.com.)

According to The Washington Post, instead of making changes that'd enable people to, you know, actually want to procreate and live in Iran, the Iranian government has slapped a romantic band-aid on their problem by establishing a government-run dating website.  As of Monday, this madcap matchmaking was launched, with the stated intent of creating 100,000 marriages each year.


Since courtship apparently falls under the department of sportmanship, Deputy Minister of Youth Affairs and Sports Mahmoud Golzari told the press, “We have high demand for marriage and 11 million bachelors who are increasing every day.”  Thus, the "Find Your Equal" website (not a joke, that's its actual name) was launched.

For instance, if you are a prominent businessman, you want an equally-matched lady,
one who can rock a business-burka.
(Image courtesy dailymail.co.uk.)

However, don't think that this means Iranians will be able to enjoy the unfettered hookup culture or boob-pic bonanza that are the hallmarks of Western dating sites like Tinder or OKCupid (and don't even ponder the idea of an Iranian Grindr or Growlr.)  Those types of sites are banned in Iran.  The ever-safe state site has users upload the usual stats of their age, physical description, interests, levels of education and religiosity, and languages spoken.  Then, a real-life matchmaker (not just some algorithm) will make the matches as they see fit.

While religious mores compromise many young peoples' attempts to meet due to fear of being persecuted for relationships outside of marriage, Find Your Equal aims to expedite the always-tricky process of looking for love.  Clerics, professionals, and others of good standing in their community, such a doctors and teachers, will be the ones who are tasked with the matching.

"No trust me, she's totally hot, I could tell by her...uh...eyebrows."
(Image courtesy india-forums.com.)

This is becoming serious business for Iran, whose birth rates are at 1.8 children per mother (while 2.1 c.p.m would be required to counteract death rates.)  With permanent female birth control and vasectomies both banned, the government has done all they can to promote more births to outdo the “undesirable aspects of Western lifestyles.”

Yeah, screw us for our freedom to choose who we'd actually care about, on our own terms (well, except for our completely inappropriate lack of gay marriage rights.  We're barely better than Iran there.)  Our Western states may be oppressive, but at least they haven't tried setting us up for life (yet.)

However, all jokes aside, all the best to any couples who can prosper
through this method of matchmaking.
(Image courtesy clickittefaq.com.)