Text On Fire: New "FireChat" Service Connects Phones Under The Radar

While not stirring up a lot of coverage in the Western world, the current pro-Democracy protests in China are benefiting humanity with more than just a shot at free speech. Namely, in conjunction with a new texting service, now they're showing how many people can use their free speech, internet-free.

According to the independent.co.uk, FireChat is an iOS-based text messaging service that is able to operate without cellphone or internet service, making it ideal for revolutionaries in communications-restricted countries. FireChat uses Bluetooth to create "mesh networking" with other phones in the area, strengthening the connection and allowing for discussion.

FireChat does not aim to be the exclusive domain of the repressed, saying it could be useful "on the beach or in the subway, at a big game or a trade show, camping in the wild or at a concert, or even travelling abroad, simply fire up the app with a friend or two and find out who else is there."

Current numbers suggest that already tens of thousands of people are using the FireChat app at any given time, so fire it up and see what's up.

Hear hear.  (Students on the streets of Hong Kong, protesting and pro-texting.  Image courtesy lesechos.fr.)

New "Wakie" App To Frighten You Awake

Some people just need that extra nudge to get themselves out of bed in the morning (or midafternoon...we understand.)  Now, a new app is available to outsource your alarm clock and force you to interact your way awake.

According to metro.co.uk, the "Wakie" app was created by Armenian entrepreneur Hrachik Adjamian, and it operates on a simple principal: getting talked awake. It sounds nightmarish to some, but it might be just the thing to motivate a particularly recalcitrant rester.  The Wakie app has a random stranger call you at the desired time, and say...something, anything...to get you awake.

Could it be creepy?  Sure.  But Wakie is already popular in Russia, and that means while you're waking up in America, you could have some happy-hour vodka-infused Russian on the other side of the world barking you awake.

Wakie not only helps you return the favor by searching for "Sleepies" you can rouse, but it also tries to match you up with someone of the opposite gender.  You know, so you can jump right into that "get the hell out of bed and get to work goddamnit" stage of the relationship.

You can download Wakie here.  Sweet dreams!

The wrong side of the bed has gone worldwide.

Prank Patrol: Iphone 6 "Wave" Charging Is Not A Thing

With all of the cool new features and fancy technology featured in the iPhone 6 and 6+, who doesn't want to believe that they can also make new leaps in charging technology?  Unfortunately, as some iPhone users found out, the charging still happens the way it usually does, and NOT VIA YOUR MICROWAVE.

As reported by firstpost.com, a prank that started on the website 4chan has now left a few fresh models of iPhone fried to a crisp.  The 4chan trollsters had pulled a similar prank last year by telling people their iOS 7 system made their phones waterproof (which, just to remind you gentle readers, IS NOT TRUE.)  Now, they upped their game with a perfectly-plotted "Apple"-style image regarding the new "Wave" technology, which supposedly allows the new iPhones to be charged with a mere spin through your microwave.

Maybe I need to put in some popcorn with it, too?

Your iPhone may be able to find you in the middle of the desert, chart out all the night's stars for you, pay bills with a swipe of a sensor, take calls from around the world, and capture and share images with the touch of a finger, but it cannot recharge itself as readily as brewing up a bowl of Ramen.

See some silly, sad stories and imagery from the Wave prank here.

I Only Have i's For You: Apple Unveils Latest iGadgetry (Part One)

It's like Christmas for the computer crowd.  Today, Apple is releasing not only their sixth and latest version of the iPhone, but also a rumored iWatch product that will make its popular technology more portable (because you weren't dithering with enough iSchwag already.)  Here are some of the new features you get to enjoy while phasing out all of humanity around you.

-According to the telegraph.co.uk, the iPhone has been hailed as "the world's most popular camera."  The iPhone 6 will now feature advanced image stabilization with exceptional low-light capabilities (for all those various and vilifying bar images that you'll end up deleting lest they end up on social media.)

-The camera also has the capacity to shoot at 240 frames per second, making it all the more easy to be extraordinarily creepy as you sneak photos of hotties on the subway.

-The 8-megapixel camera has "focus pixels", which are extra important to help make sure all your illicit imagery is crystal clear - your nudie-questing hackers will thank you.

-An integrated M8 motion chip and barometer work in conjunction with a new onboard health app or Nike's fitness app to maybe someday give you all sorts of data on the exercise you swear you'll do tomorrow.

-Worldwide cell service providers have teamed up to make your iPhone 6 able to complete calls over any 4G network, voice-over-LTE, and voice-over-WiFi.  Every single person at the NSA was reported to be seen malevolently drumming their fingers together and orgasmically murmuring, "Exxxcellent."

-Onscreen multi-tasking, because god forbid your ADD not get its fix.  Also, double the transistors of the iPhone 5 (2 BILLION!) making a 25% faster CPU and 50% faster graphics.  MORE CAT GIFS.  RIGHT NOW.  FASTER.  MORE.

-A record-breaking size:  6.5 mm of sleek sexy slimness, because even if Americans can't be svelte, our tech toys can be!

-Oh, and 1.3 million apps.  No big deal.  We've come a long way since phones only carried onboard Snake.  Is there a modern Snake app to be had, for old time's sake?  Maybe some Tetris?  This technological whirlwind shouldn't eradicate the simpler elegances of life.  WAIT A SECOND, IT PLAYS GAMES IN HIGHER RESOLUTION THAN CONSOLES.  SCREW SNAKE AND THOSE STUPID RUSSIAN BRICKS.

Pre-sale starts Friday, plebes.  Too bad you weren't in the line outside the Apple store in NYC.  It started last week.

Once rumors of the fabled "iWatch" wearable are confirmed, more information will be posted here.  Watch (iWatch?) this space.

That's evolution, baby.

iPhone Fingerprint ID: More Trouble Than It's Worth?

If you believe the security pronouncements of any of the giant tech firms, please leave your information in the comments, I have a bridge to sell you.  Of course, the mainstream media are not nearly so skeptical.  Indeed, they're eating it up.  From Bloomberg:

Apple’s use of fingerprint scanning in its new iPhone models could lead more device makers to adopt the authentication method as a successor to passwords - - and that’s fine with privacy advocates.

The introduction coincides with the rise of cybercrime and revelations that the U.S. National Security Agency has intercepted Internet communications and cracked encryption codes on devices including the iPhone.

Apple said that on the new iPhone, information about the fingerprint is stored on the device and not uploaded to company networks -- meaning it wouldn’t be in data batches that may be sent to or collected by U.S. intelligence agencies under court orders.

“They’re not building some vast biometric database with your identity associated with your fingerprint that the NSA could then get access to,” Joseph Lorenzo Hall . . . .

That latter quote is rather funny, as governments and corporations routinely deny that they are building vast databases on us as they build vast databases on us.  Wired is a bit more circumspect:

There’s a lot of talk around biometric authentication since Apple introduced its newest iPhone, which will let users unlock their device with a fingerprint. Given Apple’s industry-leading position, it’s probably not a far stretch to expect this kind of authentication to take off. Some even argue that Apple’s move is a death knell for authenticators based on what a user knows (like passwords and PIN numbers).

While there’s a great deal of discussion around the pros and cons of fingerprint authentication — from the hackability of the technique to the reliability of readers — no one’s focusing on the legal effects of moving from PINs to fingerprints.

Because the constitutional protection of the Fifth Amendment, which guarantees that “no person shall be compelled in any criminal case to be a witness against himself,” may not apply when it comes to biometric-based fingerprints . . .

Bloated: Pre-loaded Apps Take Up 50% of Smartphone Storage Capacity

Thinking about getting a new smartphone?  Be sure to double check the amount of storage space it offers and cross check that with the amount of space already taken up when you turn it on for the first time.  Geek.com reports that, because of preloaded apps, the new 16GB Samsung Galaxy S4 actually only has about 8GB of free space on it.  Excerpt:

When a product’s packaging tells you that you’re going to get a certain amount of storage there’s an expectation that it will deliver something close to that amount for you to use. With Android phones, it’s common to simply not warn buyers that the available storage is partially used by the system and pre-loaded apps. If built-in storage is a big deal to you, the 16GB Samsung Galaxy S4 may not be your best choice.

If you head to the Storage section of the Settings on a new Galaxy S4, you’ll find that only 8.82GB is available to the user. That’s the total space available to you, so applications that were pre-loaded by your carrier and anything you sync over during account creation will pull from that amount. The rest of that 16GB you can’t even see as the user — Android tells you that the phone only has 8.82GB total, entirely cutting out the space used by the system itself.